Switzerland. I can’t believe I’m still in Switzerland. When I’m here, I want to be there. When I’m there, I want to be here.
Stage Direction: Hotel room, Basel. I stumble with jet lag across the floor and trip over a giant half-eaten Toblerone. I fall on the bed and pass out. Jet lag is a bitch. And chocolate, even the crispy crunchy kind, will just make things worse even if for a time it seems to make things better.
My wife is Practical. Just like the Swiss. She has business appointments. I have all day of nothing. She admonishes me to get out of the hotel room, to take a walking tour of the city, to go to a museum, to get to know the place we may be calling home.
I wish her well as she goes off to do Big Business.
I stumble back into bed and sleep. And sleep. And wake up and pee and sleep. Jet lag is like dosing the body with variable release antihistamine. And I am a sensitive fella. My body doesn’t like being subjected to the unusual, like being put on the rack and stretched, I imagine. Definitely not being hurled across an ocean at 600+ mph and landing in a place where time has changed. We may not intellectually acknowledge time travel, but our bodies’ know it happens. So I wake up, take an aspirin, guzzle water and sleep. So far my day is going exactly as planned.
Finally, I wake up and no longer need to go back to sleep. I decide to figure out what Switzerland is like without leaving my hotel room.
I look out the window and see a sex shop and some apartments. Holly shit, I’m still in my apartment of 10 years ago in the West Village in NYC.
I look at the TV… Philips. The art on the walls is tasteful architectural photographs. Maybe I’m at the W in San Francisco. The bed has big white down covers and the furniture is high concepty post modern. Yup, it’s the W, anywhere.
Except it’s SwissHotel in Basel.
I get bored, get back in bed, put on my earphones and get on the iPhone. Episode 6, True Blood. Suki is being fucked by polite vampire Bill. For the next hour-and-a-half I watch and relax. I now have a feel for Switzerland. It’s just like home.