Monthly Archives: March 2011

Overheard Conversation of the Day

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, the boys were yakking away before we went to school. And this is the part of the conversation I caught, one junior Wilan to the other junior Wilan:

“Don’t tongue the cats.”

Probably good advice. And also proof that Jessica should not travel for more than a few days: Our apartment is turning into Lord of the Flies meets Bachelor Party.

There is No Good Chinese Food in Switzerland

So Jessica went to Beijing.

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Quote of the Day

Jack: “What happens if you die in heaven?”

Existential paradox? Please begin pondering.

Beastie Boys, the Next Generation

My guys picked up this little ditty from their friend, who created the lyrics with his mom. Musical arrangement and super-fine dance moves are the Wilan Boys.

Warning: Song is extremely catchy and may become embedded in your brain.

Overheard Conversations: Zombie Babies

The boys were deep in an intense discussion. This is the part I overheard:

“Was it a zombie penis or a zombie vagina?”


“You have to tell to see if it would have a baby.”

[Note: I am taking orders to have the first part — “Was it a zombie penis or a zombie vagina?” — put on t-shirts. Please include your size and preferred shirt color with every order.]

Awesome Power — File Under After-School Discussion

We are on the tram and my oldest turns to me:

“Daddy, sometimes when I’m standing at the urinal the pee bounces back at me.”

“Oh,” I reply. “OK.”

“Today it got on my hair.”

I contemplate my son’s awesome power. “Very impressive,” I reply, practicing positive parenting and a high-degree of fatherly pride.

Note to self: contact the Basel Fire Service. Also, Marvel Comics re new super hero power?


The boys accompanied me to the doctor to get the stitches out of my finger. On the way back, we ducked into Kannenfeld Park. The park is only the size of several football fields, but it has beautiful tall trees, meandering paths and hidden statutes. It reminds me of Central Park in its beauty and surprises.

One of those surprises, on this unusually sunny day — we could actually see blue sky! — was an awesomely high and twisty slide.

This Should be Fun...

Lovely London

London is lovely. Full of people, traffic, amazing museums and restaurants, beautiful parks and lots and lots of energy. Much different from quiet Basel. And it’s only a one- hour flight from our home base in Switzerland.

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Not Coming Soon to America

My brother-in-law found this believe-it-or-not named product at a major food store in London: “Mr. Brain’s Pork Faggots”. Bonus: it now comes with additional “rich west country sauce.”

I imagine the conversation of a die-hard fan and a grocery clerk:

Shopper: “Excuse me, I’m looking for some saucy faggots.”
Clerk: “Ah, hah, well, ah.”
Shopper: “Where do you keep the faggots?”
Clerk: “The, ahh, hmmmm. Ah, this is a grocery store, sir.”
Shopper: “Of course it is. So where are the faggots? The pork faggots.” He licks his lips. “Mr. Brain’s.”
Clerk: “Security!”

For those wondering, they’re in the frozen food section.

Mr Brain's Pork Faggots. For the record, I did not ask for it.

London Eye

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We were in London with the in laws and the idea was to take a ride on the London Eye, a giant millennial-built Ferris wheel. Or, as I see it, pods of transparent suppositories rising into the ashen London skies while trapped with strangers exuding the post digestive fumes of tourist hotel bangers and mash. Ah, no thank you.

I sipped a cappuccino and pondered Big Ben and the river traffic on the Thames while my family, in laws and brother-in-law looked at the city from a different perspective.