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This week’s top search terms for people googling and getting a link to this blog:

1. Sex Pigs

2. Faggots Grocery Store

3. David Energy

4. Productivity Frustration

The number one hit, “sex pigs”, links to the Valentine’s Day Gift, German Style post. The one with the photo of copulating almond paste pigs.

I was intrigued and so did a google image search for “sex pigs”. The results? First a disclaimer:

If you know me well, you know I embrace the weird and disturbing. The perverse and unusual. The vulgar and the bizarre. So please, please, please trust me when I say this: DO NOT google image search “sex pigs” unless you are prepared for seriously disturbing images. Let me repeat: Seriously Fucked Up Shit. Wacked. Not Normal. Not Close to Normal. Bat Shit Crazy Messed Up Creepy Lose-Your-Faith-in-the-Goodness-of-Humanity Kind of Shit. So I am not going to tell you what came up. If you want to know what I saw, you will need to do the search yourself. I am now going to wash my brain with hot water, soap, and a strong disinfectant.

A google search for “faggots grocery store” returns much tamer results: mostly mentions of the Mr Brain’s Pork Faggots highlighted in my post Not Coming Soon to America. What’s more disturbing, I think, is who is typing that search term, and just what are they looking for and why?

I’m guessing a “david energy” search is by a guy named David looking for some mid-afternoon mojo. And if he’s a Jew, he’s on the right track: Finally, a Jewish Energy Drink.

As for searching “productivity frustration,” I’m guessing a manager at the end of their rope. He or she may very well be in the middle of a heat wave — Heat Frustration Productivity Index: Extremely Hot — and sorely need an energy drink. May I suggest a nice Jewish one?

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