Why does “5-Minute” Oatmeal take 25 minutes to make?
Does the oatmeal know we have to get to soccer clinic and it will take 14 minutes of discussion, explanation and sorting just to get the boys into simple white t-shirts?
Does the oatmeal know the boys will need to be reminded at least 4 times to tie their sneakers?
Does the oatmeal know that Adam and Jack will have to be asked over and over to please stop moving as I apply sunscreen?
Is the oatmeal aware the dishwasher is broken and the plates and cups filling the sink make it that much more difficult to get breakfast ready?
Does the oatmeal hate me?
Is the oatmeal fucking with my head?
What is the oatmeal’s fucking problem?
Tomorrow I am switching to 2½-minute Cream of Wheat.